Stuck

I'm stuck.

I want to have a relationship, or relationships even, that work. Where there is mutual attraction, care, fun, the excitement of discovering another person.

But when I think about contacting anyone through the online dating profiles I've created, I just freeze. I want to avoid them, ignore them, pretend they're not there. Perhaps that means I'm not really ready. I don't have the necessary energy and oomph to deal with them.

However, I also don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself, and aching for companionship I don't have. Cause staying in won't get it for me.

Taking even those really small steps towards a goal seem so incredibly hard. Why are phone calls so hard? Talking to people? Taking time to take care of myself, be responsible and proactive.